"Thank You for Your Service"

     Originally I was planning to just link to an article entitled 10 Things You Should Be Asking the Veterans in You Life on FB, but then I realized I had more to unpack than the few lines I limit myself to in FB posts, so here's the rest of the luggage.

     I found this article when I read another one from TEDTalks called Why Don't Civilians Ask Veterans More Questions? which denounces the comments most vets receive: "Thank you for your service," and "Did you shoot anybody?" and suggests the 10 questions outlined in the first article up there instead. After reading, I asked myself why I don't ask more question. I find that many of my patients are veterans on our first day together during evaluation and am terribly guilty of throwing out the "Thank you for your service," quip and then... I guess I do something a little more out of the ordinary, or so it would seem ... I usually have to remove myself a little from my patient and gather myself together as I fight back tears.

     This reaction has long puzzled me and I think I do a pretty good job of not letting others see it. For one reason or another, God saw fit to make my initial reaction to any emotion tears. Whether it's happiness, sadness, anger, confusion, fatigue I get tears. Which is SO annoying. In general, other people do not react well to tears. They often give me really confused looks, maybe thinking I'm at least a tad nuts and try to get away as fast as possible. Or on the flip side, are convinced that I'm falling apart and literally try to hold my physical being together with crushing hugs and assurances that I'll be ok. Look, I'm not crazy and I know I'll be ok, just back off, let me collect myself and pretend it didn't happen so I don't start blubbering under a new emotion--embarrassment--ok?

     End rant.

     But back to my initial question: Why do I react this way and have no desire to further this line of discussion? Or rather, which of the myriad of emotions of mine that triggers tears is the culprit here?

     As Shakespeare put it, "That is the question." And what a question it is.  I don't know, exactly. Or really I don't think it's just one.

     First, overwhelming gratitude to this individual who I didn't even know me until a few minutes before this one usually, who put him or her self in harms way so I could have the opportunity to live a pretty good life full of those freedoms everyone talks about.

     Second, anger that this stranger came home, but that several of my personal soldiers did not.

     Third, fear that the remainder of my friends that are still enlisted might not come home either physically, mentally, spiritually or a combination of the three.

     Then again, gratitude to God that this person's family and friends never experienced that anger and no longer have that fear for this soldier.

     And lastly, the embarrassment as I just can't get out anything else more inquisitive and appealing to the vet at that point. Not that I'm a particularly verbose individual to begin with, but definitely not in that moment.

     So, on this Memorial Day weekend, we celebrate those we've loved and lost for the sake of our freedoms, usually with some good cooking, hehe; however, they can't read this post. So to those vets and current service members out there that can read this post, "Thank you for your service."